


Talk By Candlelight

by Becca31



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Sentimental, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 17:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Becca31/pseuds/Becca31
Summary: After their first kisses at the end of season 1, Carmilla and Laura need to talk...and they do...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This origin of this story popped into my head after the third or fourth time I watched all three seasons. I immediately went to that tag scene at the end of the last episode of season one asking, ‘are they wearing the same clothes? Is that the same day? Or did they have this special night together?’ Yes—they were wearing the same outfits—BUT—you can call this story AU—or we can assume those clothes weren’t dirty or whatever… I just KNEW that our girls needed this time alone together before all the angst and drama to follow…

“So…you’re a giant black cat, huh?”  
Carmilla shook her head and giggled at her small human roommate. As Laura realized--with surprise--the ludicrous, post-first-kiss timing of her question, she too began to laugh.

And laugh…and laugh.

Soon, the girls, the 19 year old and the 334 year old, were both in hysterics, falling into each others’ arms and onto Laura’s bed. It was a gleeful release of tension. The blood in Carmilla’s system was bringing the injured vampire back to herself very quickly and she reached for the Soy Milk container and finished off what was inside. Laura just watched, completely relieved and utterly joyful at the presence of her thought-lost roommate once again before her.

“You’re alive!” Laura cried, hand on the vampire’s face, convincing herself that Carmilla was indeed, real, solid, and in her arms.

“Duh…” Carmilla smiled despite the snotty-sounding comment that was missing much of the acidic quality such a quip at Laura would have once contained. She stroked a lock of messy blonde hair away from Laura’s face and behind her ear. She let those fingers linger on her roommate’s face.

“Welcome home. You kissed me!”

“You kissed me too…” Carmilla stated, smiling.

“Yeah…I did. Wow…” More giggles. “I’m going to do it again.” Laura said, her voice having dropped several tones and halving in volume.

“I wish you would…” Carmilla’s statement was like velvet against Laura’s ears. The vampire’s dark eyes twinkled with mirth and perhaps other emotions as well. She ran a finger under Laura’s lower lip making the Human girl shiver.

Their next kiss was much slower, much softer and took a long time to develop. After they lay there, face to face, eyes only a few inches apart…and just looked at each other.

“Wow…”

“Rapidly becoming your go-to response Creampuff…”

“Yeah, sorry…”

“Nothing to be sorry about…you’re cute when you’re flustered…”

“We need to…oh, wow—we need to talk to…everyone. Let them know you’re alive. And oh my God, Betty..! Maybe Laf and Perry can find her somewhere to sleep tonight…”

“Her? Not me..?”

“Carmilla..? This is your room…you sleep here…”

Laura jumped up rather quickly from the bed and started toward the door, still chattering about Betty, Perry, LaFontaine and sleeping arrangements. Suddenly, she stopped moving and speaking very abruptly and put her hand to her head. Carmilla rose with vampiric agility and caught the blonde in her arms before an unsteady Laura fell.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, hey, hey…Laura—what’s wrong?” Carmilla returned Laura to her bed and helped the blonde to lie down and put her feet up.

“I, uh, don’t know---just got all kinds of dizzy all of a sudden…”

“Too much excitement…”

“Probably….”

Carmilla looked at Laura with an analytic eye.

“Or…maybe—Laura? When did you last eat? And I mean, FOOD, not cookies, cocoa, or grape soda?”

“Uh….”

“Cupcake--you ridiculous girl. You need to eat.” The vampire went to the little kitchenette and filled a glass with cold water from the tap. She came back to the bed and sat next to and a little behind Laura, raising her head slightly to the offered glass. After taking a big sip of her drink Laura looked up.

“I was…preoccupied…and…sad…”

“So sad you would not take care of yourself?”

Embarrassed, Laura nodded. “I guess…”

Carmilla sighed and shook her head with a wan smile. “Laura... Whatever am I to do with you?”

“Well…whatever you decide…I am right here…”

Laura rested her face on Carmilla’s arm for a time. The two sat like this, comfortable with the silence, just enjoying being together again. And—of course—their newfound closeness…

“Feeling better?” Carmilla asked after a few minutes had passed and Laura, after taking one more drink of her water, nodded.

“Come on…let’s get you some dinner…”

“Uh…Carmilla…another reason for the grape soda and cookie diet…I‘m actually out of meal hall vouchers…”

“Not to worry. Dinner is my treat.” As the prideful young girl started to protest Carmilla held up a hand: “Hey—you just fed me—and not for the first time, either. Time I return the favor.”

Carmilla got up and slid the yellow pillow under Laura’s head. “You just rest there. I need a quick shower and some clean clothes…”

“Yeah—heroic vampire crap is a messy business… Your things are in your duffel bag…in that corner…”

“You kept my stuff?”

“Guess I wasn’t THAT sad. I just didn’t have the heart to throw away or give away anything…”

“I appreciate it. Won’t be a minute. Rest for now…”

Carmilla made very fast work of her shower—but Laura had a moment to pull her phone from her jeans pocket and peck out a text. Carmilla came out of the bathroom in clean clothes and carefully helped Laura sit on the edge of the bed, and then to stand. Laura nodded with a shy smile that she now felt well enough to walk.

Nonetheless, Carmilla was never more than arms’ reach away from her Human roommate for the short trip downstairs.

In the dining hall, Carmilla walked Laura thru the cafeteria line and watched patiently, smiling, as the young Human girl filled her tray. A couple of times, Laura selected a plate with a smaller, less costly serving and Carmilla would quickly return it and replace the choice with a heartier portion. Laura just smiled and let her, squeezing her roommate’s hand in thanks each time. Laura cringed at the eyeball buffet and, needless to say, did not partake.

When all was collected and paid for the girls had taken their trays to a table. Laura faced then dug into a large salad, a bowl of fresh fruit slices, and a serving of a beef and noodle dish with green beans. For her part, Carmilla had treated herself to a big slice of chocolate cake and mug of strong black coffee. The roommates enjoyed their meals in an emotionally charged silence, exchanging glances every few minutes—each a bit embarrassed when caught gazing at the other.

“Thank you…for buying me supper. I feel much better.”

“Thank you. I enjoy watching you eat. Your eyes crinkle up when you enjoy the taste of something…”

Laura looked nervously at her roommate as they walked back to the dorm and climbed the stairs to the third floor. As soon as they arrived they saw an envelope taped to the door addressed to them both.


	3. Chapter 3

“God…anything if this is NOT multiple choice…” Laura teased as she plucked the note and began to read it as they came back into their room:

“Frosh + Carmilla—  
Just missed you but saw you had headed to dinner. Betty has collected what she needs for the night with Per and I. See you tomorrow when you WILL tell us just how our resident vampire survived the pit.

Laf”

Carmilla went to the fridge and found an extra container of blood she had hidden behind a big mustard jar and poured herself a big glass. Laura watched—and since Carmilla made no mention of the arrangements for Betty, Laura didn’t share that this was her doing.

Carmilla took her glass and pulling up the desk chair, sat as Laura sat on her own small bed. The much needed, heavy meal inside Laura was making her feel lethargic and sleepy. Nutrition taken care of, and with the cloud of dread now lifted from the blonde’s human heart, the last few sleepless nights were catching up with her.

“So—what happened? I’m not complaining but how did you survive?” Laura ended her question with a huge yawn.

“That—is a bit of a long story Cupcake. Why don’t you get comfortable and we’ll talk?”

“Oh…ok.” Laura got her pajamas out from under her pillows and quickly changed and washed up in the bathroom. When she came out, Carmilla was sitting in Laura’s chair drinking her serving of blood. Laura lay down on her bed and rolled over to face Carmilla—as the dark-haired girl rolled the desk chair by the head of Laura’s bed— “These last few days have been Hell, Carm. We were all convinced you were gone…that you had traded your life for all of ours…”

“Shhhh….just relax.” Carmilla ran her hands thru Laura’s hair slowly, over and over in a calming gesture. “I am sorry you were worried.”

“I was out of my mind…” Laura’s eyes were drooping, so comforting was Carmilla’s nearness as well as the gentle fingers stroking the blonde’s scalp. Despite all this, Laura was fighting sleep with all she had.

“So upset you forgot to eat…to sleep..?”

“Yes…I am…afraid…even now.”

“Of what..?”

“Of falling asleep…and you not being here when I wake up…”

“Shhh…I will be right here.”

Laura’s facial features went slack and her breathing slowed as Carmilla continued to oh so carefully stroke the girl’s hair. Carmilla sat, watching her friend sleep for a long while, her face a mask of deep thought. Hours passed and Carmilla drank, and then refilled her glass of blood a couple of times. When the vampire’s internal clock signaled the approaching sunset Carmilla stood by the dorm room window watching the day end, deep in sober, brooding ruminations.

Carmilla’s face was her usual mask of scowling snarkiness but her emotions were under a storm warning. Laura had awakened feelings.. needs… and even fond dreams in the centuries old vampire that Carmilla could only remember experiencing once before.

And that time had not worked out too well… Carmilla had had a very long, very lonely, and horrific time to ruminate over just how poorly THAT relationship had turned out.

Despite years and many nights of self-analysis, Carmilla shuddered at the memory. Even vampires—she had decided years ago-- could experience PTSD.

‘But’, Carmilla told herself, ‘with Mother gone maybe we are free to try this.’ And Laura, despite resembling Ell as close as a sister—another shudder—was well aware of who Carmilla was and WHAT she was. This liaison had not begun with a nefarious agenda and a parcel of lies.

‘Well…only a couple…’

Carmilla touched her lips. The recent memory of those first four kisses she and Laura had shared was vivid. The feelings Laura evoked in Carmilla’s silent heart were very real. ‘If we start out right we might have a chance to see where this path will lead us. Sure the deck is stacked against us…but you can’t win if you don’t deal the hand…’

The dark haired girl finally nodded to herself and smiled, obviously having decided on a plan. Keeping an attentive ear on Laura’s breathing and heartbeat Carmilla dimmed the lights in the room and started to quietly make preparations for when the sleeping girl woke.


	4. Chapter 4

Laura was dreaming.

She was not having one of her two usual Carmilla dreams—the tragic one where Laura was watching her vampire friend die over and over again--or the one that included nakedness and various forms of profoundly exotic methods for two women to make love. This dream was…hallways.

Laura was walking down a dusty hallway in a ramshackle old house or perhaps an abandoned building. The halls branched and turned and every so often she came upon a door. Behind each door, she found--more hallways…or staircases…or rooms filled with antique furniture. Once there was a room filled with old clothes. Doors led to ramps going up, then ramps going down. But always, the rooms opened into more halls. Every so often, Carmilla could be seen in a nearby parallel hallway or taking a different turn at an upcoming intersection. Eventually Dream Laura and Dream Carmilla found each other face to face. “What are you doing here?” asked one—or both of them. Both, or just one-- of them answered: “Same as you…trying to find the way…”

When Laura opened her eyes she saw that the room was dark, but not completely. It was late, past sunset and the lights were all off—but several candles were burning at locations all over the room. It was by this soft golden glow that she saw the girl sitting on the other bed across from her.

Carmilla was gazing directly at Laura, her expression one of naked fondness. By dim, flickering candlelight, Laura again saw the face of the girl she had come to adore.

Carmilla was dressed in a pair of Laura’s torn sleep pants and a stained, cast-off tank top that had long ago belonged to Betty. She had evidently showered again. Her dark hair was damp and her face was scrubbed clean of her signature makeup and dark eye-liner. A towel rested in her lap under her folded hands.  
Bad girl, naughty vampire, leather pant wearing, scary looking chick look for the moment, gone, Laura saw the naked face of the other girl. And Laura realized with a gasp and a quickening of her pulse that she had truly never seen just how beautiful Carmilla was.

“Hi…looks like you were exhausted as well as underfed.”

Laura noted a change in the way Carmilla spoke. She was speaking with far more gentleness than ever before in their interactions. Carmilla was Carmilla—a bad-ass vampire, Laura knew. But now, it seemed, much of that bitter, broody snarkiness was moved to a back burner. Carmilla was…Laura was uncertain what it all meant…but it made her breathing rate grow and her heart race.

“Yes…it looks like. I was—I haven’t been sleeping. Bad dreams… I kept dreaming about seeing you vanish into the pit over and over…”

“Worrying you so badly is something I will regret for quite awhile…”

“You saved me…you saved everybody. You were so brave—“

Carmilla held up hand. “Nope…no recounting of my brave deeds tonight. My black heart can’t take it…” Laura started to rebut, but Carmilla gently interjected with—“And no analysis of my tortured ancient soul or my tendencies toward courtly deeds for you, my lady. That isn’t what I want tonight…” The vampire’s eyes were twinkling as she said the last.

Laura’s mouth started to feel dry as she heard the soft, intimate—even seductive quality to Carmilla’s voice. Laura had brief flashes of memory—feelings and images of the other girls she had been attracted to over her short years. Numbering a whole three, and while not lacking in romance or passion, none of those relationships had ever caused the journalism student’s heart to palpitate and palms to perspire as much as a few suggestive words from Carmilla.


	5. Chapter 5

“So,” Laura asked nervously, fingers tugging at the cuffs of her pajama pants. “What would you like to do then?” Part of Laura—a very aroused part, could barely contain her excitement over Carmilla’s answer. Other, less libidinous parts of Laura were more than terrified over what the vampire might ask for.

But—no doubt—whatever this girl wanted—Laura was going to do.

Carmilla’s head tipped a bit to the right as her dark eyes studied her human companion. In the few seconds before she answered Laura’s question, a seeming eternity of fluttering heartbeats passed in the young woman’s chest.

“Actually…I would like for us…to talk…”

“Talk?”

“Yes…very much…”

Laura let out a partially held breath before she gasped a fresh double lungful of air to reply, “Oh my god….talk?! You want to just talk?”

“What did you think I was going to say—to ask for?”

“Uhhhhh…”

“Laura…please be honest. Did you really expect us to have sex tonight?”

“Uhhhhh…well… Oh hell Carmilla...! I don’t know! But the uhh—sexual tension in here is…so…uhhh…”

“You muttered that already.”

“Carm---I just—oh dear god…I just…” Laura grabbed her pillow and buried her face in it. After a bit of young hormonal human drama was hollered in muffled screams into the long-suffering yellow pillow, Laura emerged and brushing her long hair back from her face said to a very amused Carmilla, “OK—maybe—maybe I am being naïve…maybe attraction is different for you than it is for us plain old mortals…I dunno..? But, Carmilla I have had erotic fantasies about you ever since we stood right there and waltzed…”

“I could tell. ‘…worst crush ever…’ wasn’t it?”

Laura felt her face go red. “Ohh…heard that, huh?”

“Of course. Vampire hearing and I was only in the bathroom Cupcake…”

“Sooooo…”

“It’s flattering to see that I have such an effect on you…”

“AN EFFECT???!!!”

“You are so cute when you get flustered. Laura…I ‘m not saying I am not attracted to you. You know I am. I am not saying I am not thinking about being with you. Oh—trust me when I say I am thinking about us together---a lot.”

“Wow…”

“You and the ‘wow’. But after so much effort to keep you alive do you really think I am willing to risk you dying just for pleasure?”

Despite her agitation, Laura was taken aback. “Carmilla…I trust you. You won’t hurt me…”

“Laura that’s not what I mean.” Carmilla got up and walked over to Laura sitting on her own bed. After planting a brief, tender kiss to the top of Laura’s head, the vampire gently pulled Laura’s fingers from the fraying seam on her tank top and placed that hand over the human girl’s heart. Then she went back to her bed and reseated herself as before.

Confused, Laura held the pose.

“What was this?”

“Do you feel that? That is your heart Laura. It is so loud I could hear it from the hallway. It is beating so hard and so fast that I cannot imagine doing even a tenth of the things running around my imagination with you without giving you a heart attack….”

“It is beating really fast…”

“For God’s sake, relax! Take a deep breath Cupcake and let it slow…”

Embarrassed and anxious about getting dizzy again, Laura complied. “OK Carm…”

“I want us to talk—to share things. Discover if this connection of ours is real or just an infatuation. True intimacy is complex—layered, my dear…not just physical…”

“Of course…and I agree.” Laura closed her eyes and took a very deep breath and let it out so very slowly. She did this again and then again as Carmilla waited and watched with seeming endless patience.

“And please remember the place and time I was born into—the ways of love, romance, sex…things were different then. And, while I am a very modern girl in some ways, in other ways—especially with someone I genuinely care for—the mores of my birth era return. So if you would please—humor me…”

“So…talk. Get to know each other better. Ask each other questions?”

“Yes…”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for awhile. I am a nurse at a rather understaffed clinic.
> 
> Ok readers...now it gets interesting. Any comments, questions, suggestions? beccazoe31@gmail.com

“I have to admit—I am really curious about you…”

“And I about you Creampuff…”

“Well I already know some of your story…but there’s three centuries of your life I know very little about…”

“And we never had the ‘get acquainted’ type of roommate relationship… There is so much about each other that we do not know.” Carmilla smiled as she saw the oh-so-serious look on her friend’s face—as well as heard her much slowed heart rate.

“Sooo…talk.”

“Yes, please—if you are amenable.”

“Alright…let’s go back to the beginning then. Hi…my name is Laura Hollis. I am 19 and a huge nerd. My major is Journalism. And just to be clear—yes, I am gay and I think you are adorable. Should I call you Mircalla—your birth name..? Or is there another name you prefer?”

“An odd question, but I see your reasoning. No…please just call me Carmilla. That’s the name I am enrolled under and the name I gave you the day we met. And it is the anagram I have used most often…more Western, more feminine…I like it…”

“Carmilla then.”

“I do believe you are the only person in all these years to guess my love of anagrams…” Carmilla mused.

“Well…you ‘sinner kat,’ I guess I fell into that ‘knit snare’. We’ll just have to call that ‘task niner.’ What a ‘near stink...’” The look of self congratulation at a joke well-played was all over Laura’s face. Carmilla rewarded her with a hearty laugh.

“Clever girl. My turn. Why journalism?”

“I love a great story. But one thing makes even a dull story special--truth…plain and simple. Truth. I’m a giant nerd—no surprise. I’ve always loved the fanciful and adventurous books and movies…those were my peanut butter and jelly growing up; Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, Doctor Who…but when I was—eleven I guess—it all came crashing down that I was living in those nerdy TV and movie worlds where none of the stories were real. I was living in my dreams and fantasies. Magic and light sabers weren’t real and I was never going to REALLY travel in the TARDIS or join Starfleet. The true adventure was here in the real world. And journalists in all the media are those real heroes who find that truth and share it and help people…make lives better. Sorry—I just quoted my Silas admission essay there….but it was the best, most honest answer…”

“Hmmmm…and a girl who is dedicated to truth but still loves her fanciful tales…she has a real vampire for a roommate. AND this same girl helped save the campus from genuine evil…”

“You did the hard part…heroic vampire crap and all…”

“Hmmph—maybe. And still not on the agenda for our talk tonight. Your turn, Creampuff…”

“I know you don’t want to talk about heroic vampire crap—but I want to ask about you in the aftermath; Carmilla? Are you OK? I have never seen you this pale…I’m worried about you…”

“I know Creampuff…I can see it in your eyes. But rest assured…I am alright. I have fed enough on the blood I had squirreled away…and after a good days’ sleep, I should be pretty much back to my usual grouchy, broody self…”

“Uh…would some fresh blood help..?”

“You mean from the lab rat’s campus hospital contacts..?”

“Uh, no. I mean fresh…like from…me..?”

Carmilla’s face darkened, the room became somehow colder and Laura recalled anew just how scary her roommate could be at times. But the blonde girl sat up straight and, eyes wide like saucers, awaited the coming angry storm from the other bed.

It never came. Carmilla closed her eyes for only an instant but the sizzle of angry power in the room melted away as the vampire regained her calm.

“Not an option, Laura…” Carmilla said finally, very softly.

“You’ve done it before. And if I offer…”

“And don’t think me ungrateful. But I am still too weak to drink fresh and warm from a donor…I won’t risk it…”

“Alright. But another time…”

“When that time arrives, we can talk about it. I promise. Now—go ahead with your next question.”

“So…I can ask you…anything…?”

“Yes…”

“Best and worst thing about being a vampire?”

Carmilla didn’t hesitate. “Living a very long time…”

“And that is?”

“The best and worst thing. I am over three hundred years old but I still look 18. Living so long has been thrilling…and very, very sad at times.”

“Tell me more.”

“Laura, I have been so many places, seen many things— met many people. Oh, the amazing people I have met. And, no, I didn’t eat all of them… Another night when I am feeling more boastful I’ll name drop a bit—just to see the look on your face. But the really wonderful and very tragic part of Immortality is the—briefness--of the time I can share with people I like, admire and care for…”

“I think I understand you a little better—having heard that. Thank you for that answer.”

“You’re welcome Cupcake. My turn again..?” Laura nodded. “I will say, you can take a bye on this question if you choose…”

The Human girl was visibly surprised. “OK…go ahead…”

“You speak often of your father. You are very close I take it?”

“Yes we are…”

“But—you have never mentioned… your mother.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7. A longer one this time. Lots of talk and lots of history. I have been super careful to re-watch all seasons and to keep this canon but if I have made a mistake give me a shout. Also, let me know what you think...

Laura looked down at her hands as they rested on the pillow with the bright yellow case in her lap. She had wondered when one of her Silas friends would ask this question. Of course Carmilla would be curious AND of course Carmilla would have sensed the tension this tender topic caused in Laura’s demeanor. And…leave it to the mean old scary vampire to offer the young Human girl a pass on answering.

“She…died…when I was very young…”

“I had that impression. Are you comfortable telling me about her..?”

“Mom was—she is why I am a nerd. She showed me all those movies, read to me from all those fantasy and science fiction books at bedtime. Anyway, Mom was an accountant for a big newspaper back home. She was close with many of her coworkers but especially a couple of reporters who were her school classmates. The paper published their exclusive story about a local politician accused of laundering money through a crime family that was big and powerful back then. Mom was not a reporter—but she found the evidence buried in the money records that broke the case… She helped the reporters and the police find out the truth. Lowly bookkeeper…was a big hero. And—because of that—she is dead…” Laura began to fuss again with the hem of her tank top.

“Those criminals killed her?” Carmilla’s voice had become very soft and gentle.

“Well…the police still say it was a hit and run. But Dad and I-- as well as her boss and the paper’s Editor-- know the truth…”

“Another reason why you would chose a career in journalism—to honor her memory..?”

Laura sighed and tugged another thread from her pajamas. She looked up and nodded, eyes shining. As Laura wiped away a couple of fat teardrops from her eyes, Carmilla rose from her bed and asked, “Care for some cocoa?”

“Yes please…” Laura replied with broken voice.

Carmilla set some water to heat on the electric kettle and placed instant cocoa powder into Laura’s TARDIS mug. The dark haired girl poured the last of her stashed blood supply into another mug as the hot chocolate was steeping. Laura had also left her bed and had spent a moment in the bathroom. Carmilla could hear the tap running and knew her friend was taking less of a potty break and more of a wash up after crying break. She had feared Laura might react this way—but Carmilla knew that sharing such tender memories with another was sometimes a path to greater trust and intimacy.

For Laura, who felt like a perfect fool for becoming so emotional again after all these years since her mother’s death, was her telling red-eyed reflection in the mirror that her three hundred year old friend was surely aware of grief. Hell, Laura, she told herself, Carm knows all about death. As the blonde came back into the dorm room and carefully accepted the mug of hot liquid from Carmilla, she pondered one of her next questions for her roommate.

“I wasn’t sure how comfortable you would feel telling me about the loss of your mother. Thank you—for sharing so openly with me…” Carmilla sat back on her bed.

Laura sniffled. “You’re welcome, Carm. I admit, this is the MOST relaxed and comfortable I have ever felt with you. This is also a great warm up for my first celebrity interview.”

“I find myself honored. The next question is yours…”

Laura sat up a bit straighter and again cuddled her pillow in her lap. “OK…I offer you the same ‘out’…you may pass on this question if you like…”

“I’m intrigued. Please go on.”

“Tell me what it was like…to die…”

Carmilla’s eyes widened, her eyebrows raised as she answered, “In three hundred years only a small handful have ever asked me that question. Well done, Laura—you may make a fine journalist of yourself after all is said and done.

“Well…how did I feel? Surprised. Angry. Livid, actually, as only a petulant, spoiled teenager can be. How dare this man shove that dagger into my back—did he not understand that this was MY birthday ball?! Ridiculous to say it now—but that is what I was feeling at that moment. Some pain yes—but the broken leg I suffered after a horse riding accident at fifteen was far more intense.”

“Who stabbed you?”

“Some local thug Mother had hired. She had planned my death and rebirth some months previously. “

“You talk about it like we’re discussing the weather… I’m not sure if I could be that matter of fact about dying…” 

“The circumstances are important here, so forgive me for offering more ‘flashback material.’ It was my eighteenth birthday party. Father threw a grand ball in a last effort to find me a suitable husband. I had spent most of the night in the company of the young ladies of the Duchy gentry—only dancing with the local pigpen of suitors—the sad, still unbetrothed leftovers of the young people my age--when I had utterly no other choice… I was drinking and flirting with my guests and having a truly lovely time—but, I wasn’t attending to—the business of the occasion—as my father called it.”

Carmilla reached for a jar candle on the bookshelf to her right and bringing it to her lap rescued the wick before melting wax smothered the flame. Laura watched, patiently sipping her cocoa and again thanked a variety of gods and goddesses for the better, though still not perfect era, of her own birth.

“Father pulled me outside into the garden and after a few well placed blows informed me—for the dozenth time—that he was not going to keep a spinster in his household. He had finalized my betrothal whist I ‘wasted time’ with my girlfriends. I was to marry before the spring to this smelly, oily-faced suitor and the dowry would help solve some… problems… our family had due to Father’s bad management of our lands and wealth… He left me in the courtyard, crying. I knew my choices in life were dwindling. And—one of my secret fears had been realized. Father had deduced that I was only attracted to women. He called me—let’s just say-- a bakers’ dozen hateful names for gay and lesbian that I shan’t repeat—and struck me one final and very hard time across the face…” Satisfied with her efforts with the candle, the vampire replaced it on the shelf.

“But…as I knelt there on the cold damp stones, wondering how my future would unfold—I heard before I actually felt the thrust into my middle back…and my choices, and my future…were taken away…”

“Carmilla…you must have been horrified.”

“Of course…but more angry. And sad. Gratefully it was a short business. I was deeply into shock from blood loss in less than a minute. I remember feeling very sick…and then…a warm flush ending in a chilly sweat…and—nothing…” Carmilla took a long drink of her blood.

“You died…”

“So it would seem. And before you ask—no, I did not meet God…and saw no lights at the end of long tunnels…just, nothingness.”

Laura shook her head. “I would say wow…but—anything I could say seems woefully inadequate. So--then your Mother turned you into a vampire…”

“Not right away. I was…shall I say—whisked away…”

“By who?!”

“My young fiancee—he of the foul breath and oily complexion. It’s a boring and rather grisly story. But yes, Mother found me soon enough and changed me.”

“What happened to your real mother and your father?”

“Part of me is afraid to answer this question. But—caution to the wind. When I awoke I was again on the grounds of my home—but it was days, even weeks later. There was snow under me that had not been there when I died. Mother was there…she—the change is hard to remember but I knew something terrible and very sad had been done to me. I knew my heart was not beating. I felt different…strong. And though it was a moonless night I could see everything like it was brightest day and perceive sounds that should have been inaudible. Mother had collected Father and Mama to witness my resurrection…they were there on their knees watching in horror as I rose.

“Mama was crying, utterly inconsolable. Father was drunk. He said—again, I will not repeat such hateful, filthy words. I…didn’t mean to kill him. In that first moment of my new life all I wanted to show him what it felt like to be on the receiving end of backhanded slap across the face… partly for Mama but also for me…my own anger. But--I hit him too hard.” Carmilla shrugged. “I was unaccustomed to my new strength. He…bled…profusely. My mistake… I was also learning about my new thirst…

“It was over in an instant. And Mother was draining the life out of Mama before I could even consider dying in a foolhardy attempt to stop her…”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long talk thru the night continues... getting closer to dawn, and the ending. My first Carmilla fanfic. Thanks for all the reads and the kudos. Warms my heart.

Carmilla gazed down at her hands as she rubbed them together. 

“So…yes. I was made into a monster—and immediately proved myself to be monstrous.” The older girl looked up at her roommate and was glad, but somehow unsurprised to see only compassion on the face the young human.

“Carmilla—I am not here to judge you. You underwent a complete transformation that night. Your strength and need for blood was only part of that. I can only guess what happened to your emotions as well as your most basic understanding of who you were--are… Also, that was long ago and your birth father sounds from your descriptions to be man not long for this world by his own actions. His temper and his drinking could easily have caused his end.”

“I know…of course I know. For three centuries I have used those same arguments on myself, Laura. But of the number of regrets I have carried with me all these years—my family’s death is the greatest.”

“Carmilla, if after three hundred years you still feel sadness and regret about your mother and father—that tells me more than anything else you could say. Those feelings…are not the feelings…of a monster…”

“Perhaps… But you asked about my death. I wanted to answer your question with that story…because those events as much as my murder itself—with all the subsequent murders that followed--have defined me as I am today. Mother made me a vampire… but I often wonder if she chose me for a reason. “ 

“What reason?”

“Under my spoiled little rich girl façade I not only hid my urges to be with women but my potential for anger and violent revenge. And I wonder if my…orientation, as we call it today…tempted her as an additional avenue for controlling me. She saw my potential to be shaped into her tool…to use and control as she pleased…”

Laura sniffed back tears at the sight of her roommate. Never had the young student seen Carmilla look so sad and lost. Laura wanted to get Carmilla off this topic, without her motive appearing too obvious.

“Carm—another question, please—about your Mother—the vampire one…“

“Yes of course…”

“With your Mother gone—how do you feel? What is going on in your mind?”

“Hmmm…truthfully, I am…” Carmilla sighed, “…still numb. I am…processing my feelings. I have dreamt so often of being free…and now that I am—I don’t know what to do with myself. One of the reasons why this night between us is happening… you are not only the biggest cause of my new freedom—but you are …well—I guess I should say—you are also my great prize. Assuming things work out between us and you allow me to make you mine. “

“Holy--Wow. I guess I am the one honored now. So--When you’re done…processing…where will you go?”

“I am happy right here. Why must I go anywhere?”

“Stay at Silas and continue to pretend to be a college student?”

“If you have trouble understanding my motives, may I suggest you go look in the mirror? I LIKE being with you Laura…”

“And the honor just keeps passing back and forth. Carmilla—I’m not sure how much I could speak for you…but my feelings for you…are NOT an infatuation.” Laura got up and walking quickly to Carmilla the blonde leaned over and gave the immortal girl a quick kiss on the lips.

“Sorry if I broke the rules. I just suddenly really needed to do that.” Laura turned and collected her empty TARDIS mug and carried it to the kitchenette.

“You broke no rules, Cupcake…and I would be doing the same over and over again if not for the rather messy connection between my thirst for blood AND my desires for kisses and cuddles… ”

“Uh…you’re out of blood…” Laura noted from the kitchen.

“I drank all I had. And before you start worrying, I am fine until tomorrow when I can run fetch some more.”

Laura, having rummaged around in the mini-fridge had produced the leftovers of Perry’s brownies. Laura offered one to Carmilla who accepted the treat with only a brief moment of her fingers lingering on Laura’s. Laura munched her brownie as she climbed back onto her bed. “Next question is for you, Liquid Diet…”

“I’m not sure how I feel about THAT nickname…” Laura just chuckled and wiped chocolate fudge off her lips. “I am getting to know your faces Cupcake—Laura—and before we move on from this Intermission, I have a sense there are some things on your mind. Am I right..?”

“It is a little scary when you read me like that, Carm...but—yeah. There is that elephant in the room…” Having finally SAID it, the young blonde’s heart skipped a beat. But, as Carmilla had said earlier—caution to the wind…

“Ah, yes…the classic conundrum—a favorite of many a cheesy vampire book or movie. The issue of a mortal and an immortal in a relationship…”

“The very elephant I speak of…” Laura confirmed, anxiously.

Carmilla sighed. “The math is actually very easy. One Human, one vampire. Options: The vampire can become Human again—“

“IS that possible..?”

“No…if it was possible, trust me, I would have done it long ago.”

“I’m sorry Carmilla. But--I guess I am happy about that…if you had gone back to mortal long ago, you would have died long ago…and I would never have met you…” The thought itself was putting a very tragic expression on Laura’s face.

“True.”

The pause that followed was of the pregnant variety.

“So…the other option…” the human girl prompted.

“Creampuff—take that idea off the table and out of your head right now.”

“Why? Not even talk about it? Not that I am all that eager to give up food and sunbathing—but—“

“Two overwhelming reasons why this is a fruitless topic. One—I can’t make you a vampire. I don’t have the power. It’s not like you see in the horror movies…’here, Beloved, drink from my veins and then you’ll arise and walk the night by my side…’ ”

Laura laughed, despite the seriousness of the topic. “You’re B movie vampire imitation needs work…”

Carmilla smiled, but continued. “And even more important—even if I could…I wouldn’t do it. Understand..?”

“So…you can’t…you won’t…”

“Yep…”

“OK…end of discussion then. Side note? Assuming there is any longevity in this relationship…?”

“Yes, of course. When do I start introducing you as my older sister? How many years before we check into hotels as mother and daughter rather than a couple? Cupcake—you may very well tire of me before the sun comes up… Shall we table this issue as well—at least for tonight?”

Laura ran her hands over her face and let out a heavy sigh. “Sure. It is silly to worry about it for now…”

“No, not silly…just premature…” Carmilla leaned forward and gave Laura a reassuring smile. “I…I do like it very much when we discuss ‘our relationship’ my dear. Whatever may be our fate, you have brought…joy…back into my life. And I thank you for that Laura.”

“Uh…wow. Sorry. My favorite word again. Despite my lack of florid language—I feel the same Carmilla Karnstein. Even after all we have been through together, the greatest emotion in my heart right now…is happiness. You make me so happy.”

“We make each other happy…when we aren’t driving one another crazy, that is…”

“Sooo…my Dad will be here in a couple of days. Any chance I can convince you to come home with me?”

“A very cordial invitation. And how would you introduce me to Herr Hollis? Roommate? Girlfriend? And—just how much do you plan to tell him about our…adventures?”

“That is a good question. I don’t make a habit of lying to my Dad…but…I just don’t know. He is super paranoid and over-protective… and I’m afraid that even an outline of our little Adventures at Silas would give him a stroke. And I would LIKE to introduce you as my girlfriend…if that is OK with you..?”

“It is…and I accept your invitation. Would you please give some thought to how we will address his reactions to his house-guest who sleeps most of the day and declines any meals he graciously offers…?” 

Laura, whose mind had been on guest sleeping arrangements and plans to show Carmilla her hometown, was yanked back into practicality. “Uh, yeah. Oh, hell. This IS going to get interesting…”

The vampire who had also been ruminating replied, “I can adapt partially for appearances sake. I can adjust to daylight hours—somewhat --and even go out in the day for short periods. I can also eat some food but—unless we make very elaborate arrangements with our luggage, someone in your hometown is going to find themselves with bite marks and anemia. Are there any neighbors you especially dislike..?”

“You’re not joking are you?”

“Afraid not. It is your home so I will follow your lead on how you wish to…handle the situation. I just want you to be prepared for the reality of having a vampire in your life…and your home…and with your Dad…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter...a long one. My first Carmilla story, done!

“Laura—“Carmilla asked, leading her roommate and friend to return from the stricken-faced place her mind had gone and back to the conversation. “Are you ok?”

“Oh…yeah…sure…”

“Liar… Tell me truthfully…did I just lose you?”

“No Carm…never. I just… So were you saying...about my disliked neighbors…are you telling me to expect…a body count?”

Carmilla laughed peals of bell-like laughter.

“Cupcake…the tragic look on your face is priceless. And I am the monster who put it there. I’m sorry. No, honey--I am NOT suggesting that I will have to commit any murders in your town. I wouldn’t. I won’t say I have sworn completely off killing my supper donors. But a majority of the time my victims leave my company very much alive. They have a fuzzy memory of something weird—but not altogether unpleasant-- happening to them and they wake up tired and thirsty with a tender scratch somewhere…”

“But…you do still kill people?” Laura tried to sound matter of fact. She was not successful.

“Yes I do. I’m a vampire. But Cupcake…trust me when I say you would not think less of me when I tell you my… present criteria…for taking a life…”

“Ok…tell me.”

“Alright. Imagine a prostitute in an alley somewhere…she is a horrid excuse for a human being who beats and robs her customers—then kills them, just for the sport of the act. Change the scene to a bully for hire—not only does he beat his employer’s chosen targets—often fatally—he enjoys it.”

“I think I see your point…”

“One last, if I may. Do you recall some scandal earlier this year about a university groundskeeper going missing…and some allegations that he…shall we say…’harmed’ students?”

“Yeah…an article in The Voice of Silas…”

“He wasn’t only HARMING the freshmen girls. He was harming the freshmen boys as well. A monster beyond any definition I have earned. Requiescat in pace.”

“Uhg. Well…I know I need to wrap my head around this. You had to survive and sometimes that meant someone died. And you have meted out some justice with your mealtime choices. I won’t lie and say this doesn’t bother me. But you are who you are. My head says I don’t have the right to judge you and my heart says…well—my heart is still saying…” Laura paused and roughly ran her hands thru her hair, brushing it back from her face. She sighed and looked again at her roommate, a hesitant, longing look on her face.

“What is your heart saying, Cupcake..?”

“This sounds ridiculous, even in my own head. I mean—we’ve known each other just for this term and… Carm? Are we…falling in love?”

“I believe that is the path we are on Laura.” Carmilla sighed and leaned forward. “Now you have discovered my nefarious plan---why I wanted us to sit and talk and spend this night discovering each other--holding the passion at bay and just—being—the two of us. There are not many things I truly FEAR Laura…but saying the word LOVE too soon—in a heated moment of emotion—is high on the list.”

“I understand…I’ve been there myself…said I love you way too soon…saying it from not from my heart but from some organs a bit further to the south…”

“I too have taken that leap. The outcome was…well—you know the story.”

“Yeah… Well your Mother is dead so chose your path and speak your heart when you are ready…and I will do the same…ok?”

“Sound advice for us both…”

“And…I hope you will come home with me on vacation and meet my Dad. We’ll figure out the logistics of sleeping, eating, and other assorted criminal activities… And—if you are willing—I would like to…carefully…tell him—well…everything.”

“Truthful disclosure is not my forte, Laura—but for you…I will be on my best behavior…”

“Good. And…we are no doubt going to have to…prove things…provide convincing evidence that we are not crazy. Are you ok with say—picking up a car, or starting a fire by staring at a pile of kindling..?”

“How did you know that I can—“

Laura just pointed at her computer on the desk.

“Ah…” Carmilla frowned at the web-cam.

“Or you could chug a pint of O positive…or—maybe the simplest—just pop into your cat shape…”

“We will discuss our options. As long as I don’t end up in a circus or some covert government lab--”

“Got it. No side shows, no vampires harmed in the testing of this product. Seriously, though, the top story is that you saved my life… Dad—this is my girlfriend, Carmilla. She is very special…”

“Thank you. I have to say…I am looking forward to it. It’ll be interesting.”

“To say the least. And—you know Carm—there is this Guidance Counselor from my high school. She made a lot of trouble for me my sophomore and junior years. A nasty excuse for a human being AND a raging homophobe to boot. In case you get REALLY hungry…”

Carmilla tipped her head and raised an eyebrow.

“Kidding…sorta…”

“Of course. But, jokes aside, you must also know…I am very possessive, fiercely territorial, and anyone who raises a hand to harm you…” the vampire just shrugged.

“I understand. I will try and stay out of trouble then.”

Under her breath, Carmilla muttered…wonder how long that will last..?

“Heard that…”

Carmilla chuckled. “Alright. Intermission over. Back to Q and A?”

Laura stretched and laid on her right side, head at the foot of her bed facing Carmilla. Propping her head on her hand she said, “Yes…your turn I think?”

“My turn it is. Tell me when you realized you were attracted to women.”

“I…don’t recall ever being aware of any other kind of attraction. Girls on TV, characters in books, my friends, Mom and Dad’s friends. I always watched the females. Growing up I knew I had all the normal feelings—attraction and desire— daydreams that got less and less G rated--I just had those for girls and not boys. And when puberty hit… Dear God did I get it. I wasn’t really surprised. I always knew it was something. I—told Dad pretty much right away.”

“Was he shocked?”

“Not a bit. I think he was as relieved as I was when I finally said it out loud. And he has been my staunchest supporter ever since. He helped me and my friends set up the Gay-Straight Alliance Club at my school. He served punch at both of our Queer Proms. And he has never missed a PFLAG meeting or a Pride celebration.”

“My respect for papa Hollis continues to grow. Can I ask—your first true love?”

“Oh God…her name was Alyson. Two years older than me. Cheerleader. Super popular. And super bi-curious… We ran with two completely different crowds but that year I took a Drama elective and worked on a school play. She played the lead. I was in charge of props and costumes—mostly outfits she wore. I tried to keep my distance—you know--lesbian in the Girls’ Dressing Room backstage. But she insisted and kept me close to her when she could. She flirted with me relentlessly until my libido took over for my brain. I was head over heels ga-ga for her. She was so beautiful. God—strawberry blonde hair and pastel blue eyes you could just drown in. I would have done just about anything for her. I almost lost myself in her…“

“Did she love you as much as you loved her?”

“Oh no...” Laura gazed at the floor, a sad expression on her face as she remembered. “No…she slept with several guys and at least one other girl—that I knew of—while we were together…and dated a dozen others that year. No…I was just an experiment to her. It took me a long time to get over her.” Laura shook her head and smiled grimly. “Who was your first true love?”

“Oh a couple of clandestine rendezvous when I was mortal… but my first TRUE love…was Ell.”

“You saw her…in the pit…that was her, wasn’t it?”

“Yes…I had almost forgotten how lovely she was…” Carmilla’s face was suddenly a mask of pain and indecision. Soon, though she started to say, “I…was unsure about telling you this but…”

“I look like her…don’t I…?”

The vampire girl was genuinely surprised. “How did you guess?”

“Just a feeling. And when you look at me sometimes…” Laura shrugged.

“She is gone Laura…and you are here, very much alive and breathing and I don’t compare—“

“Carm! Don’t. You are completely entitled to your feelings. You loved her, and she was taken from you. I see the pain you still carry because of her. I hope…you got some peace…some closure …after the pit.”

“I believe I did.”

“And Ell…wasn’t her name, was it? It was a nickname..?”

“You are too insightful. Yes…she was ‘Laura’ as well… One reason I defaulted to disliking you so much when we met. It was why I treated you so badly when I first moved in… I was acting out. I am very sorry…”

“No apologies, Carm. Look where we ended up.”

Carmilla echoed, “Look where we ended up. Friends? Would be lovers? A couple? A very odd pairing I should say…”

“All of the above I guess. I mean--vampires do date mortals sometimes, right? I mean, your pool of available Valentines’ Day dates is somewhat poor if you only date other…supernatural creatures… Or are you getting a little from a mummy and a werewolf on the side...?”

Carmilla chuckled. “My romantic life has been somewhat abbreviated by my circumstances and my unsavory responsibilities to Mother and this place. But yes, I have had relationships with Humans.”

“Ah…yes…the parade of Study-Buddies in and out of here this term…”

“You are even cuter when you’re jealous Creampuff…”

The human girl sat up. “I am not jeal-- Ok, fine.” Laura plastered a faux pout on her face—but could only hold it half a minute until she laughed.

“Laura, I feel no jealousy toward that plate of beef stroganoff you had for supper.“

“Meaning—they were only meals..?”

“Yes and no…I said my need for affection is almost as powerful as my thirst. And if I can please my-- ‘dinner dates’ shall we call them—before I tap them for a liter of A negative then I can feel there was at least a semblance of a quid pro quo. I have also been known to repay my dates in other ways.”

“Money..?”

“If she is destitute or struggling in some way. Protection…if someone in her life means her harm. And certain gifts… It only seems fair.”

“You are a woman of honor, Miss Karnstein…”

“I make an effort. Laura? I have a broad question…what are you most afraid of?”

“Losing you. Seriously…Carm…I get sick to my stomach when I think of you not being in my life. And I know it’s a possibility. I mean—you’re three hundred years old—a vampire. I’m a nerdy college girl from Canada—a mortal, not even two decades old yet. Other than my love and respect, what do I have to offer you?”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Cupcake. You are sweet and lovely, smart and very funny…and so very dear to me. You have awakened feelings in me I could barely remember having…”

“Thank you…but—my fears are rooted in something genuine. You said I might tire of you before dawn. More likely you could discover I am a boring, young human in a few days or weeks. What if we try this epic romance and any one of a hundred problems comes up and we just…don’t work out? The wide world would call you and you could exercise your new liberty—go where ever you please, leaving me behind.” Laura was getting choked up. She fought it to finish, “Just promise me that if you ever DO go…please tell me beforehand…? Let me say goodbye..?”

“That I can easily promise. I would never, ever leave you without a word, Cupcake no matter what good or bad things happen between us. So please dry your eyes and put that worry away…”

“Ok…”

“It warms my heart to see how you care for me so…I hope I show you sufficiently that my affection for you runs just as broad and deep.”

“Carm…I didn’t realize how much I love your smile. And the idea that I help put that gorgeous smile on your face…just warms my heart and makes me feel special…”

“Sometimes you just kill me, Laura Hollis. You ARE special…my boring young human…”

“That’s me. And I can’t kill you Carmilla Karnstein—you died a long time ago.”

“I did. But it wasn’t my idea…and as was said in that Monty Python movie…’it got better’…”

The girls shared a laugh. Laura made a long reach to the shelf behind her and taking a tissue from a box, dried her eyes and blotted her nose.

“So Cupcake…did I ease your fears a bit?”

“You did, thanks.”

“Good. Epic romance, huh?”

“I told you I love a great story. Well, an affair of the heart is—to my thinking—just about the ultimate story. I want us—for as long as we have together—to not only be a part of each others’ story—but make a new story that is only us—only about us—could only be told by us, together. And it can only have a happy ending if we both make it so. I want our story to unfold for the rest of--well, I’d say “our lives”, but I guess it’s better said as ‘my lifetime’—or at least our time together…anyway…I hope our story is that we spent that time together making each other better…making each other happy.”

“I concur with your plan…”

“Carmilla? What are you afraid of?”

“Everything….of how I feel about you. Of how you feel about me. I know I look 18 Laura but I am a very, very old woman. I have seen things and lived thru events you have only read about in history books or seen badly recreated on TV. I want…to love again…to connect with someone I find dear. And I can only be who I am…the girl who learned about courtship in the late 1600’s….and the monster I have been since…”

“Carm…stop saying you are a monster. I don’t see you that way…”

“I worry that you will…and you would be safer if you did. You should be afraid of me, Laura.”

“I’m not. I am not afraid of the mean old vampire or the big black cat—all claws and teeth. I was so afraid when I thought you were dead that I would…forget…that the wild, fantastic adventure would fade somehow…that I would convince myself that none of it had really happened…and the memory of you and all we have been thru together would just vanish…”

“Laura, I am what I am. I am a vampire…a predator…a hunter. I lie in shadows seeking prey. When I choose someone I wait, still and patient until the moment is perfect then…I…strike! But I don’t want to see you like that…I don’t want you to be my next…conquest. Right now my desires are welling up inside me….and I would love nothing better than to come over there and just take you…do with you whatever I want for as long as I want…”

Laura’s mouth went very dry but she was able to croak out, “I…am not really sure…that I would mind that…”

“I would. Of course I don’t want to treat you like a meal. I don’t want to just “take you”—like a human eats fast food. I don’t want to make that connection between my attractions to you—my urges to share intimacy with you… and my desire for blood…”

Laura sighed. “So that is why drinking from me makes you uneasy…”

“Yes, that’s right. I want you to be the same in my life, my arms, and my bed as you are in my heart: someone very special who I care deeply for—and would never, ever harm in any way… But that hungry animal part of me can so quickly and oh, so easily take over…I can’t have that…”

“Thank you for telling me this. You are very brave to be so candid. How can I help? Make this less a struggle for you?”

“Just understand…know why I may be close one minute and far away the next. And I don’t just mean physically…I may retreat into my little personal bubble with a book and a glass of blood when I find myself uncertain. Other times, you will have to set limits—even push me away when I become too keen on taking what I desire…”

“Carmilla…I am not…the virgin sacrifice—or whatever you called me. I have to say my libido is pretty high too. When we choose to be together we’ll figure out how to make intimacy work for us. Any couple has to get to know each other when they decide to get close—learn about needs and hang-ups, desires and anxieties. I trust you Carmilla.”

“I will work toward being worthy of that trust… And, I trust you Laura Hollis…”

“Thank you. So—when the time is right..?”

“When we decide the time is right…yes…”

“Good. Of course there is no danger of me killing you if I lose control of my urges—just of you screaming with the pleasure I would like to give you.”

“You…minx! What a thing to say!”

“Hey! Death, resurrection and a secret lexicon of famous figures in history you claim to have hobnobbed with…I have to keep up somehow…”

The two women sat for a long time just looking at each other, comfortable in all that had happened between them.

“Did we…exhaust all topics of conversation..?”

“I doubt it, Cupcake. So…ask me anything.”

“Anything?”

“No limits…any question is in bounds and I will answer as honestly as I can…”

“Uh…why are you always stealing my pillow!?”

Carmilla looked at Laura as if the question had been ‘why is the sum of two and two equal to four’.

“Because it smells like you… May I ask one?”

“Ask anything…no limits, fully honest answer..”

“Why are you attracted to me?”

“Are you serious??? How could I not be, Carmilla Karnstein? You are tough, brave, and beautiful—not to mention a total bad-ass when you decide to be protective. You are smart and have the quickest wit I have ever bantered. You are sexy as Hell in those leather pants. You have endured unspeakable horrors that chill my soul—but you can still laugh and smile. Your moral compass may be skewed by a couple of degrees—but after 334 years of life as a vampire you still have one… which is fricking amazing! You stood up to your creator—the scariest creature I have ever seen to protect a bunch of college kids. To—save…me. I see you even when you become a giant black cat. I see the ancient soul you are and the innocent girl you once were living side by side in the person before me.

“Carmilla—I care for you--because you are a magical creature…and I see all the stars in the night sky when I look in your eyes…”

Laura leaned forward and locked her gaze upon the shining eyes of the other girl.

“I could spend the rest of my short mortal years just looking into those eyes…”

In the long, long silence that followed, Laura learned one fact for certain: Carmilla the vampire could and did feel very deeply. Carmilla’s emotions were nakedly displayed on her face. And while she did not apparently cry often—she could and did cry. Laura could also clearly see the depth of the vampire’s feelings in her damp, dark eyes.

Carmilla shook her head and ran her fingers over her face, wiping away the happy tears. Then, after a heavy sigh said, “I would like to come over there and kiss you.”

“Just a kiss..?” Laura teased.

“Yes, Cupcake—for now. Only a kiss…”

“To quote an ancient philosopher I know—‘I think I would like that very much,’”

The girls each rose and taking the single step needed to meet in the middle of the room, reached out and joined hands at the place where a famous waltz had only recently occurred. Like the dance partners they had been and more akin to the couple they were working to become, they joined each others’ personal space with a spontaneous grace in a form of choreography far older than them both. Interlacing their fingers—the girls shared a single, very slow, ever so gentle kiss. Then they just held each other, heads resting on each other’s shoulders. There was still much to learn about each other, many rivers of doubts, anxieties and uncertainty that needed to be bridged. But for that moment, nothing else mattered…but their closeness…their connection…their feeling of wholeness at being together…  
Being together was happiness. Being together was a hard earned peace. Being together was a mutual promise and a shared hope. Being together…was everything…

Two tired lovers…were home.

Carmilla looked toward the window. “The sun will be up soon. I need to sleep…finish healing.”

“You must be exhausted worse than I was.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank me? For what Carmilla?”

“Sharing this night with me. Talking with me. Letting us grow closer in a way that feels right—feels good-- to my 17th Century ways.”

“Of course. And this night was very special to me as well.”

“And if I may?” The tone of Carmilla’s voice had changed—the snarky, bitchy vampire was back— muted a bit by affection but nonetheless pure Carmilla. “Notice I listened respectfully to every story you told me about you and your past…and never once brought out a cardboard proscenium and…sock puppets…”

“You have been itching to spring that on me…”

“And here is fair warning, Laura Hollis: someday I plan to tie YOU up and drape a necklace of garlic around your neck. Have my way with you for—shall we say—nine days…” Carmilla had rounded the room, blowing out the candles and was back in front of the human.

Laura swallowed and said, “Well…fair is fair I suppose…”

Carmilla just smiled as she turned and opened up her bed.

Laura had climbed under her covers and as she started to slide her pillow in place had a sudden thought. “Carm? May I ask something?”

“Of course…”

“Is it too soon to offer to share my bed with you? Not for sex… I would like to hold you, fall asleep next to you…and have you be the first thing I see when I wake up…?”

Carmilla smiled an enigmatic smile. “I would like that. I accept.”

“And my pillow would be right here…no stealing required.” Laura scooted closer to the wall behind her and echoed the smile--an invitation.

Carmilla opened the coverlet of Laura’s bed and slid into the narrow space by her girlfriend. As they snuggled close, Laura placed the yellow pillow under Carmilla’s head. “Here you go…”

Carmilla touched Laura’s lips gently then placed one simple kiss there. Smiling, she rolled over and she and Laura made a spoon.

As the pale dawn began to ever so slightly lighten the curtains at the end of the room, the girls were snuggled, toasty warm under covers and in each other’s arms. After a whispered ‘good night’ and one last pre-sleep sigh, Carmilla said, just before Laura dozed off, “The pillow is a poor substitute for the scent that always comforts me into a deep, restful sleep…your scent…”

“Wow…”

“Yeah…wow…”


End file.
